Friday, December 26, 2008

The Grinch and other random musings.

[Brace yourself -- this could be lengthy]

As you may have noticed by my lack of yule-themed posts, I was a major Grinch this year. No tree, no cards and no Christmas cheer. [Merry belated Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, ect.] I can think of a variety of excuses: I worked through Thanksgiving so it never really felt like Christmas, the weather didn't suit the holiday-- but I think it all comes back to one reason. It's a central theme on this blog. I'm sure you can guess it.

The holidays are just reminder that another year has come and gone with out a baby - in my arms or in my belly. I can't help but think about how this could be our second Christmas with a baby if we'd gotten pregnant when we started 'trying'. I won't dwell too much on that -- same song, different verse. But, I have been thinking that it's about time that Heath and I are a little more pro-active for Baby Hunt 2009 [that's what I'll call it now ;) ]. It seems like all of these opportunities are just a few steps away...but we never take that next step to put things in motion. Between failed adoptions, IVF financing, the cost of agency adoptions -- it all seems out of our reach. So, rather than sit and wait for something to fall in our laps, I think it's time to take some action.

I want to go ahead and have a home study and become approved foster parents. I'm not sure where I think this will take us, but I just feel led to do it. I'm not quite sure where Heath stands on it. If you know us, you know that I usually make decision for 'us' and he's none the wiser. I mentioned it, but we've yet to have a serious conversation about it.

You might be wondering (but you probably aren't) what brought me to make this decision. I'm going to tell you whether you care of not. You're reading this, so I assume you care. I worked last Saturday in the ER. When I came in for my shift, there was a beautiful little girl - probably 2 months old - that was waiting for the police to take her to the shelter. Apparently her parents (I use that term loosely) had gotten drunk, started fighting, and she was stuck in the middle. The story was that dad dropped her and then fell on top of her, but the bruises told a different story. It broke my heart knowing that she would be spending the night in a shelter. I held her for about an hour. The nurses chipped in and bought her a nice warm long sleeved onsie from the gift shop to replace the thin, stained Halloween onsie she came in wearing. I literally begged the police officer to just let me take her. I'm a doctor. I'm clean. I'll love on her and take good care of her, I promise. It's better than the shelter. But, of course they had no choice but to take her.

I couldn't help but think how easy it could have been if we'd already had our home study done and were licensed to foster. Hold up - before you start thinking that I was delusional in thinking that I could whisk this baby away and keep her, it wasn't like that. I knew good and well that she would quickly go back to her parents. It wasn't about keeping her to be mine. It was about loving on her for 24 hours or longer so that she wouldn't have to spend the night in a shelter. So, for the first time - it wasn't about me, and a baby for Heath and I - it was just about being a temporary shelter and loving parent to this baby when she needed it. And, I wondered if I could do that for other babies. In the meantime. Until God has a baby for us for keeps. I feel like I'm in a profession where I will, obviously, come across this a lot.

And, of course, I know it could be a difficult situation for someone who wants a baby as badly as we do. It could be a string of heartache as we grow attached and each baby is taken from us to be given back to a parent who surely couldn't love her like we do. But, when I was holding that little girl, it didn't feel like I wanted her to keep. I just wanted to protect her.

Not real sure how that will turn out. It seems to be a trend where if I blog about something, it never comes true. Maybe I should worry about that. But, either way, I'll keep you posted.

Friday, December 19, 2008


Megan tagged me in a fun little picture game.

The rules:

1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer

2) Select the 4th picture in the folder

3) Explain the picture4) Tag 4 people to do the same

NO CHEATING!(cropping, editing, etc!)

This is me and my sweet sister and MOH, Sarah at my Bachelorette party. Two days from my wedding and I was out on the town having a blast with the most amazing group of girls. I was so blessed to have about 17 girls show up to help celebrate with me. We had so much fun, maybe too much fun - but that's what it's all about, right?

I tag: Beka, Courtney, Leah and Julia.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Yesterday was not a good day. I was in the ER again from 1a - 1p, and found myself driving home at 1:45 a.m. crying my eyes out.

My sister texted me around 11pm to let me know that Elijah had passed away. Pleases, please, please say a prayer for Aaron and Katie, his parents. I cannot imagine the pain and loss that they are experiencing right now. And, just 9 days from Christmas? Every Christmas for the rest of their lives they will be reminded that they lost their sweet, newborn baby boy during the holidays. Pray that God will wrap them up in His arms and just hold them tight. There are no words to say to make them feel better, but I pray that they can lean on Him through this loss. I pray that God strengthens their new marriage and that they can find peace that their baby is with Him now.

Then, a baby was brought in by EMSA. The story was that dad found him choking on formula and then the baby basically stopped breathing. He was down for far too long and EMSA worked on him a long time to bring him back. When he got to the ER, he was just a shell of a baby. No life in his eyes. His chest only moving due to the ventilator pumping air into him. The story didn't match up. But, regardless of the reason, this baby will not make it.

Sorry for the downer of a post. But, while we're all celebrating with our families this coming week, just say a little prayer or send some warm thoughts for these families who are struggling to just get out of bed and go on with life.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

one more thing.

Please take a second today (and every day) to say a prayer for sweet, baby Elijah. My sister's good from from high school and his wife had their beautiful son 10 days ago. When he was just one week old he was medi-flighted up to Children's hospital and he's now fighting for his life. Just say a prayer. Please.

KC recap.

I'm a little behind, but I thought I would recap our, make that 24 hours, in Kansas City.

We woke up bright and early Saturday morning to start the 5 hour trek to KC. I decided to wear my warm game-day clothes in the car. Not a good idea. Skinny jeans, boots, and a turtle neck ride up in all the wrong places after a few hours.

[Not in Oklahoma anymore]

We finally arrived around 1:30 and hit up the Plaza right away. We met up with our gracious host, Amanda, and her and I did some shopping while Heath drank a few cold ones in a bar down the street.

When it finally came time to head to the stadium, we decided to forgo the GPS directions and proceeded to get very lost in a veerrry sketch part of town. After driving in circles for what seemed like forever, I finally rolled down the window and asked a nice post-woman how to get to Arrow Head stadium. In her best Aunt Jamima voice, she says "Ooooooh, Hooonnney" and it was pretty evident that we were not only no where near our destination, but not exploring the best part of town.

We finally found the stadium around and the rowdy group of tailgaters that we were looking for around 4:00. My dear friend, Megan decided to bail -- thanks a lot, Meg! (She's 20 months preggo, guess that's a good excuse!) So, I was stuck with a group of inebriated boys. It was pretty entertaining. And, I did my best to catch up with them since they seemed to be pretty toasty and warm from all the Crown and beer they'd been consuming since noon.

[This is how your husband greeted us, Meg!]

[Don't judge me. It really does warm you up :) ]

[The boys]


[You know women would have packed plates, but at least the boys knew how to cook. Here's my dinner: beer and a pork chop on a stick]

[note to self: Russian dancing thaws out those frozen toes]

After tailgating for too many hours, we finally made it into the stadium. It was beyond cold. This Okie girl doesn't do well with cold weather. I had toe warmers stuck to the bottoms of my socks and hand warmers inside of my socks and I still couldn't feel my toes. I guess that's what I get for trying to wear my cute boots with thin socks to a football game.

I was fully prepared to stick it out to the end of the game, but when we were blowing Mizzou out of the water by halftime (BOOMER SOONER!), Heath turned to me and said "Uh...we can go back to the Plaza now if you want." No arm twisting there. Cold beer, warm pizza. What more could I ask for?

We met up with some friends later that night, but made it to bed by 1:30.

Sunday, we hit up JackStack for some KC Bar-B-Q. After a little more shopping (am I the only one who buys 3 things for myself for every 1 Christmas present I buy??), we headed back to the homeland. Here are a few pics to describe how we felt after about 4 hours on the road:

Needless to say, driving 10 hours in 24 hours is a bit much. We're still recovering.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Workin' hard for my monaaay.

Sorry I've been MIA again. I've been trying to find time to recap our KC trip, but I've been working my tail off. I'm in the ER this month, which is usually claims a pretty easy schedule. But, since I was off this weekend, my shifts are stacked up this week. I'm working 1pm - 1am six days in a row. I get home at 1:30, go to bed around 3 am and then wake up at around 11 to do it all again. It's a rough life, kids. Rough, indeed.

I'll post your face off this weekend. Don't you worry!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

::drumroll please::

The winner of the Pass it On contest is.....

Joi of Nuestra Vida Dulce. Congrats, Joi! Email me your address (email addy in side bar) and I'll send your prize your way very soon! And, don't forget, you have to keep the game going by passing on your own little treat!

Thanks to everyone who participated and for sharing all of the wonderful blessings in your life. It's amazing how many lurkers come out of hiding when there's a giveaway up for grabs! Hope you guys stick around and don't make yourselves strangers! I wish I had 30 prizes to give away.

Friday, December 5, 2008

KC or bust.

The husband and I are headed to Kansas City this weekend for a spur of the moment trip. We're driving up tomorrow, going to the Big 12 Championship game (cheering the Sooners on to victory over Mizzou!), shopping our faces off on Sunday and then heading home.

I'm sick with laryngitis, so I won't be doing much cheering. I'm sure the 24 degree weather won't do any good for my voice. Okies aren't used to this kind of weather. Heath and I just spent $70 dollars on hand warmers, gloves, ear muffs, and thermals. I also scored a cute coat at Old Navy today:

Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend! Lots of pictures will be posted when we return. And, I'll be drawing a winner for the Pass it On contest - so hurry up and comment below if you haven't yet!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Just a few...

reasons I love my husband.

He went to see Twilight with me this weekend. I was a little nervous to see it. I loved the books so much and I'd heard so many bad reviews. But, I was even more nervous about seeing it with Heath. He and his friends (you know who you are!) teased me unmercifully about reading 'vampire' books. So, I told him before hand that he wasn't allowed to say a word no matter how cheesy it was. As soon as we sat down, he whipped out his phone and started checking football scores. It wasn't long before I noticed that he was watching the movie more than catching up on his sports. When we walked out of the theater, I told him I couldn't want to tell his friend that he'd seen the movie with me. And he said "I'm sure you'll write in your blog 'Bubbles went and saw Twilight with me!'" And, he actually liked it! He's already signed up to see the next one with me. (I actually really loved it too...more on that in another post)

I bugged Heath all day Sunday about putting Christmas lights on the house. We've lived together for almost 4 years, but we've never put lights up 0utside. I debated bringing some home with me after my shopping excursion on Sunday, but decided against it because I knew he didn't really want to do it. Well, today, I worked from 1pm - 1am in the ER. When I turned the corner onto our street, I saw our house all lit up with lights! My sweet husband suprised me by putting pretty little white lights all along the roof line of the house in the dark when he got home after a long day at work!

Monday, December 1, 2008

better late than never.

I haven't forgotten about the little contest I am supposed to be hosting on my blog. I'm just a procrastinator - it's how I roll. If you've forgotten, I won a fabulous prize from Freckle's Chick and now it's my turn to Pass it On!

Here's the loot:

An adorable pink and white damask apron, just in time for some Holiday cooking - modeled by yours truly.
excuse the blurriness, it's hard to stand on your tippy-toes and take a picture!

A bottle of my most favorite hand lotion of all time. It leaves your hands silky smooth, non-greasy and deliciously edible! My sister calls this the Sopapilla lotion - it smells that good.

So, here's what you do:

- To enter this contest, simply leave a comment telling me about a blessing in your life.

-- If you'd prefer not to participate, I totally understand. But I would still love to hear from you, so please fee free to leave a comment anyway. De-lurking is encouraged!

-- I will print out your comments, toss them in a basket, and have Bubbles draw the names of the winner on Sunday, December 7th. I will post the results the next day.

-- The winner will need to email me some sort of address in order for me to mail their gifts. I promise I'm not a stalker. I will not drive to your house and leave you creepy gifts of headless dolls on your porch. I'll send you your gift and then destroy your address and all other evidence promptly.

-- The name of the game is Pass It On, so if you are a winner, it's encouraged that you in turn do something similar for your readers. Sound like a plan? Now hop to it!

Saturday, November 29, 2008


Wednesday, November 26, 2008


I'll be stuck in the ER from 8a-8p on Thanksgiving day and Friday. Not much fun. But, up until this point, being in residency really hasn't affected my life outside of the hospital. I've yet to miss a birthday party, wedding/baby shower, or anything else I've wanted to do. So, I guess I can't complain.

Heath and I celebrated Thanksgiving tonight with a trip to Texas Roadhouse.

After gorging ourselves with soft, buttery rolls, we stopped by Sam's. We walked out with Guitar Hero :)

my dog is not possessed.

It's been a rough year - that goes without being said. But I do have so much to be thankful for. A good friend of mine (M) and I were emailing today about how the holidays are so difficult when you're suffering a loss (of something you've had or have yet to have). The last week has been tough for us both, with several acquaintances announcing pregnancies. M's sweet husband, B, reminded her that while it seems like these people have everything - they really don't. They have the one thing that we want, but we are so blessed in so many other ways. We made a promise to each other to focus on our many blessings tomorrow. I decided to start tonight.

01. My handsome, hard-working, stubborn husband. He has been my rock. I don't know why God chose me to be his wife, but I am so glad that he did. I couldn't imagine having more fun with anyone else.

02. My family. I have the most amazing parents, sister and in-laws I could ever ask for.

03. Our beautiful new house. I know it wasn't quite what I wanted, but we are blessed beyond belief to have this roof over our head.

04. My job. I have worked all my life to be doing what I'm doing right now. I know with every ounce of me that I'm doing what I was called to do. I work my butt off and don't get paid nearly enough for it, but I couldn't be happier.

This list will continue later. For now, I'll sign off - my husband is challenging me to a guitar hero face off. Bring it on!

Monday, November 24, 2008

what happens in Vegas, ends up on my blog.

Vegas was too much fun. I thought 3 nights would be enough, but I certainly didn't want to leave.

We really didn't take very many pictures while we were there. We arrived Monday and headed straight for our favorite place on the strip, Diablo's. Next time you go to Vegas, you must check it out. Fantastic mexican food, amazing margaritas/sangria and a hoppin' happy hour. They'll even let you stand on the bar to spin their Wheel 'o Drinks every 30 minutes for the happy hour special!

please excuse my post-flying look.

Next stop, Coyote Ugly for some giant boots of margarita - it's how all Okie's drink their 'ritas.

We spent all day Tuesday walking the strip, checking our Fremont Street and grabbing drinks in all the casinos along the way. Heath and I got all fancied up and went out for dinner and drinks that evening. We met up with my parents at a piano bar later. No pics were taken that night. We left the camera in room in an attempt to prevent me from losing/breaking yet another camera.

Speaking of, here is our room at MGM Grand. I was pretty impressed. Especially for a whopping $67 a night! Can't beat that deal with a stick!

We decided to take it easy Wednesday. Which is exactly what I did. By the pool.

Ah. Perfection.

Wednesday evening we went and saw Mystere. It was pretty incredible. On our last Vegas adventure, we saw Zumanity - the 'sensual side of cirque du soleil'. I don't recommend it, unless you're into watching soft porn with a roomful of strangers. Mystere, on the other hand, was quite suitable to watch with the parentals.

After the show, we hit up Diablo's for a second time. Fajitas and beer - what a way to end the night.

We flew out Thursday afternoon. We had just enough time to drop some cash on the Roulette tables before heading out.

I'm ready to go back tomorrow. Any takers?

Make this now.

I found a recipe in a magazine at work and decided to give it a try for dinner. It was super easy and really good! You should try it too. Doctor's orders.

Chicken Enchilada Casserole

Thick and chunky salsa 1 1/2 cups, divided
6 inch Tortillas (recipe calls for corn, I used flour) 4
Diced onion 1/3 cup
1 15 oz. can black beans drained, rinsed
chicken 1 cup, cooked a chopped (I baked mine in the oven and then shredded it)
Sour cream 1 cup
Mexican blend shredded cheese 1 cup

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Pour 1/2 cup salsa in bottom of 9x9 inch square cooking dish that has been sprayed with cooking spray.
3. Tear tortillas in half, and use four pieces to cover bottom of dish.
4. In bowl, combine 1 cup salsa, onion, black beans and chicken. Spoon half of mixture over tortillas.
5. Top with half of the sour cream and then half of the cheese.
6. Continue layering with remaining tortilla halves, chicken mixture, sour cream and cheese.
7. Cover with foil and bake 35 minutes until bubbly. Remove foil and bake for 5 more minutes

Monday, November 17, 2008

Later, gators.

I'm packed up. The dogs have been dropped off at a friend's. And, I've got Breaking Dawn in my purse. And I'm feelin' lucky.

I'm ready to go.

See you guys in a few days!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Packin' and trying to be still.

Did I forget to mention that I'll be viva'ing it up in Vegas in 7 days with the Husband and my parents?

While I'm super pumped about our little vacay, it's also bitter sweet.

You see, if our most recent adoption would have worked out, I still would have taken a week's worth of vacation. But, instead of partyin' it up in the city 'o sin, we would be roadtrippin' it to my sister's in San Antonio so she could meet her new neice.

I love Vegas, but you can see why I wish I wasn't going.

In other news, please say a little prayer for a new prospect that is brewing (not another private adoption...that ship has sailed for now). I don't want to say much more about it because I'm not anywhere near believing that it will work out, but a lot of prayer never hurts. God never fails to surprise me though. I should know by now that He never leaves my side. Right when I start to feel hopeless again, He has a perfect way of showing me that He hasn't forgotten about us and He can do anything. I find myself feeling discouraged that I cannot predict where or when a baby will come into our lives. Then, God shows me that it doesn't have to be something I can predict. It could come from anywhere! A good friend of my mom's got me a plaque recently that reads "Be still and know that I am God - Psalms 46:10". It sounds so simple, but I constantly need to be reminded of that.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

I've been bitten.

I too have fallen prey to the Cullen's. I resisted the urge to pick up Twilight as long as I could, but post after post on my Google Reader raved about this series chronicling a vampire love story. Sounds ridiculous, right? Trust me, people aren't lying when they say you will become obsessed with finishing these books, find yourself crushing on a teenage vampire, and using the word "vampire" in your daily life.

I am completely worthless lately. I have two weeks of shows on my DVR to catch up on (not that that qualifies me as being worthless). I work, I eat, and then I snuggle up in bed with my favorite vampire. I'm off to Target to pick up New Moon right now.

Pick up Twilight and I dare you not to finish it wanting more.

Sunday, November 2, 2008


Representin' the blue collar workers of America: a garbage man and a grease monkey. (We had to dress up as something that started with "G" for the party we went to)

Me and G.I. Jane

The jello shots that lead to my demise.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


I've been tagged again - twice. And, since we're enjoying a lazy Saturday evening at home, I figured I would knock 'em out. First, the lovely Freckles Chick tagged me to tell 7 random things about myself. Secondly, the fabulous Canridings tagged me with the Honestly Weblog award to tell 10 honest things about myself. I'll just go with 10 things, because it's late and I'm tired and surely cannot think of 17 things to tell you without boring you to tears.

Here we go.

1. I met my husband in a bar. And, I actually hit on him first. I spotted him about a week prior at a Math and Science awards banquet (yes, I'm a nerd) and thought he was the hottest little thing I'd ever seen. The next week, feeling brave with a few beers in my belly, I approached him. The rest, as they say, is history.

2. I shower at least twice a day. I wash my hair that much too. I know, it's bad for my hair, but I have to have "fresh" hair for the evening.

3. Not proud of this one (we're being honest, right?), I've puked in my husband's truck 3 times now. The last time being last night. Picture me, stumbling into the house, and him in the driveway hosing out his truck at 2 a.m. He loves me, he really loves me.

4. This has probably been the hardest year of my life. Between all of the house drama and fertility struggles, I have easily cried more this year than all other years combined. But, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've learned more about myself, my husband and my God this year as well.

5. For the same reasons above, this has also been one of the best years of my life.

6. I'm horrible at remembering birthdays. There are about 4 people in my life who's birthdays I actually know. I wish I was better at it. I'd love to be that person who sends cards to everyone on their day 'o birth, but I just can't do it.

7. I'm happiest when I'm in the hospital, working 75 hours a week. I'd take that over sitting in clinic from 9-5 any day.

8. I don't want to admit this to my husband, but he's turned me into a football fan. These last few weeks we've sat at a sports bar, shared appetizers and watched a good game. I love getting to share one of his greatest passions with him.

9. I am extremely jealous of people who are pregnant. I think my reactions seem genuine when I find out a friend is expecting, but most of it is superficial. I don't know that I'll be able to truly be happy for someone until I am able to experience as well. I hate that.

10. I could probably sleep all day, every day now that I'm working. I have an excuse, though. I do wake up at 4:30 a.m. most days. But, I could easily go to bed right when I walk in the door at the end of the day if it weren't for having to eat and spend time with the husband.

**If you're still with me, I was the winner of a recent Pass It On contest, from my freckley friend. So, I'll be out looking for goodies tomorrow and having a drawing of my own in the next week!**

And, before I forget, I guess I need to tag some folks as well. But, doing this took me a lot longer than I planned (it's hard to come up with random things about yourself!) so if you are reading this, I'm tagging YOU! Leave a comment and let me know you did it.

Friday, October 24, 2008

I've been drooling over this lamp on The Ex List. Isn't it fab?p.s. It's a slow day at work. I'm passing the time with a little eye candy.

I just bought this shirt*. It makes me happy.*Don't worry, Heath - I used a gift card :)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

the desk

The desk before:After:
The cute knobs I got from Anthropologie.

Next up: hanging my West Elm capiz shell chandelier. I'm on the hunt for a cool rug and some curtains. Any ideas?

I'm it.

Okay, Chris, you're not helping me to get any cleaning done today. I've been tagged! And, since I never did the other two tags (please, don't hate me.), I figured I should get the job done on this one. So, while I haven't quite done enough cleaning, or anything, to take a break - I'm going to anyway.

1. Clothes Shop

- J.Crew. I am obsessed. I could buy almost anything in there. Due to that little thing called money, I usually buy nothing from there. Instead I just drool. One day, you will all be mine, J.Crew.

- Anthropologie. Thanks to my sis working for my next fave, I get a pretty discount there. She introduced me to my dear, sweet Anthro and I will be forever grateful.

- Urban Outfitters. I agree with you, C, I could do some damage in Urban. While the style as a whole isn't quite me, they have some amazing stuff. And, again, the discount doesn't hurt.

2. Furniture Shop

- Pottery Barn. I know, such an obvious answer. I can't help it. I'm in love.

-Anthro, again. If I could, I would buy up all of their tasty upholstered chairs and delicious bedding.

- I love random found objects too. So, no particular store, but I like antique stores, flea markets, garage sales. Pics of the fabuloso desk we re-finished soon.

3. City

- I've gotta give some love to good 'ol OKC. With our new NBA team (Go Thunder!), nearby neighbors Norman and Edmond, and a fabulous downtown that rivals the riverwalk in S.A., I'm quite happy here.

- Madison, WI. Oh, the one that got away. I still have some tiny regrets about not going there for residency. I'm still holding out hope that we might go there for fellowship, or at least a little vacay soon.

-L.A./Laguna/anywhere in Cali - I couldn't live in Cali, but I could definitely sit and stay awhile. I spent a long weekend there last year and it reminded me how much I loved it there. The style, the beach, the weather -ahhh, what more could you want?

4. Sweet

- I've been trying to cut back, but I have a love hate relationship with ice cream. I've been known to go for weeks eating it daily. These days, with my advancing age and slowing metabolism, I try to keep it down to a few times a month. But, oh, how I cherish those times.

5. Drink

- Water. I drink gallons and gallons of water. Not a good combination when you have the bladder of a squirrel (as Heath says), but I just can't get enough. If I'm bored, I can drink a bottle of water in a few minutes without even knowing it.

- I can also drink my fair share of alcoholic beverages. Those of you who knew me in college know the scary, embarrassing truth to that statement (let's not share stories, I have a reputation to uphold around here). I'm not picky either. I like beer (Corona, Miller lite), liquor (margaritas, vodka tonic) and wine (red, please).

6. Music

- I love it all. Some of my faves are Counting Crows, Sister Hazel, Jason Mraz, Matchbox 20, John Mayer, ...anything slow and soul-ful with lots of guitar.

- This may come to a surprise to some of you, or not - but, I also have a love for some artists that I'm not so proud of. *Nsync (3 concerts), Britney (just two), and pretty much any ghetto pop song on the radio right now. Fave songs of the moment - Womanizer and Whatever You Like.

7. TV series

-DVR is the devil. I have more 'must see' shows than I'd like to admit. To name a few: Gossip Girls, Project Runway (finale tonight!), The Hills, Grey's, Brothers and Sisters....ok, that's enough.

8. Film

- Anything that makes me laugh or cry. The Notebook, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Pretty Woman, Sweet Home Alabama, Last Kiss, Anchorman, Hitch.

I actually hate going to the movies though, such a waste of time. I'd rather curl up at home with a DVD or buy one On Demand. Movie theaters are not my thing.

9. Workout

- Ha. I haven't worked out in awhile. Working 80 hours a week kind of puts a crimp in my jogging schedule. I would love to go for a good run 4 times a week, but it just ain't gonna happen.

10. Pastries

- I like the occasional cream-filled maple long john, but I'm not a big pastry gal.

11. Coffee

- I don't drink it. Not at all. No caffeine for me. How I made it through college, medical school and now a good portion of my intern year without the drug is quite amazing. I love the smell of coffee, but it tastes like battery acid. I'll still to my water. And beer.

Ok, now I'm off to clean. Until something else catches my attention.


It's starting to feel like fall. We've got a 'cold front' in Oklahoma, with temps dipping down to a frigid 51 right now...back up to the mid 70's the rest of the week. Brrrrr ;)

I'm in my happy place today. I've got the day off and I'm trying to get some stuff done around the house. I've got my iTunes playlist turned all the way up, I'm using the heater for the first time in our new house and cooking some crockpot salsa chicken. We (that means Heath) finally got the antique desk that we bought refinished and moved into the office. So, I'm hoping I can make the office look photo-worthy today and maybe you'll get a peak of our amazing vintage find.

Don't worry, the post about my Bubbles is coming soon. But, I kind of lied about it being my next post.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

strike three.



Why do we do this to ourselves?

Friday, October 10, 2008

catch up. not ketchup.

Sorry, I've been MIA lately. A few reasons why : not too much to blog about and I've been busy as heck. Back to working 75 hours a week and lovin' every second of it.

First and foremost, I'm a little late on this, but another dear friend of mine just got some horrific news. She recently found out she lost one of her IVF twins. She's trying to look on the bright side and be strong for the baby in her belly but she's very much still mourning her loss. Once again, say a little prayer for, M (a different M). Or send her a little bit of comment love. She needs it right now. Thanks

So, I acutally have a pretty slow afternoon today so I thought I'd chat you up a bit. I've spent the last few months on Peds Hem/Onc (cancer) and I think I've found my calling. There have been some extremely heartbreaking moments, but many good ones too. I absolutely adore the patients. Something about a little bald kiddo just melts my heart.

This weekend is the big OU/Tx Red River rivalry football game. My husband has been counting down the days for the last 364 days. In case you don't know, it is a huuuuuge game. And with the teams being ranked #1 and #5 (Oklahoma being numero uno, obvs.) it should be pretty exciting. We'll be spending the afternoon with some good friends of ours, so it ought to be a good time for all.

I've been meaning to post some pics from my visit to Dallas a few weeks ago. This was the weekend that I kind of broke down, but it certainly wasn't all bad. I got to spend time with some of my favorite people in the world. So, hopefully pics will be coming soon.

For those of you who have asked, I'm actually doing really well. My emotions are just all over the place. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. I know that's so cliche, but that describes it to a tee. I spend days or weeks on this slow, but steady ascent and before I know it I'm headed back down at a frightening speed. So, these days I've just been enjoying the ride up. And, although I hope it's a long, gradual climb - usually those lead to bigger drops once you reach the top.

I had a very uncomfortable moment last weekend. First of all, I was exhausted - I'd been on call all weekend and was just ready to really rest. I left the hospital, got cleaned up and headed to my sweet friend Sarah's baby shower. Sarah is the one who's husband's sister-in-law is A. Yes, that A. So, of course A's sister was at the shower. I wasn't really sure who she was. But, a few minutes into the gift-opening, the woman next to me says "Oh, Sarah! Did you know A had her baby! I got to go back with her and cut the cord, it was so neat!".

Excuse me? Are you seriously talking about your sister, who's baby you wanted ME to adopt? And you're doing it right in front of me? Of course at the time, I assumed it was malicious, but I don't really know that she knew who I was. Except that when I walked in the door Sarah ran up to me while calling my name. And then repeatedly mentioned mine and Heath's name. But, maybe she didn't notice.

This bothered me on many levels. One reason I was so miffed was because A's sister, who had been on of the key players in trying to make this adoption happy now seemed to be so happy about her sister's new bundle of joy. Secondly, she thinks she's telling Sarah for the first time! I would have thought she'd call Sarah immediately after the birth so that she could notify me of the final decision. She obviously had no idea what it was like to be on this side of the fence...the waiting, praying and tears that went into hoping this adoption would work.

So, I kind of shut off. I left promptly and the rest of the day wasn't all that great. But, otherwise, things have been going well. I think I'm too busy to even think about it much.

Blah. Anyway, this has turned into a novel. And, the point of it was to say that I'm doing well - and I'm afraid that's not the message I sent across. But, really, I am!

I think I'll post next about my amazing husband. I don't know what it is, but lately I just can't get enough of him. I am just so blessed. And I don't think I say it enough. So, the next post you see will be dedicated to that hottie that I like to call Bubbles :)

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


As if I don't ask for your prayers enough - please say a little prayer tonight for my friend, M, who recently told me she was pregnant. She found out today that she miscarried. Although it wasn't a planned pregnancy, she's pretty devastated.

Thanks, ladies.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

chipped away.

I've been tagged by a few people.... I'll get to them soon, promise.

I feel like my "bad" days are coming more often. This weekend was a little rough (I say that a lot, don't I?). I feel like I barely recover from a blow and then get knocked over with another.

A had the baby. We never really heard anything. I actually didn't find out she had the baby until about 3 days later. Please pray that this baby completely changes her. I hope that this baby girl was all it took for her to do a 360 and get her life together.

I just found out that a good friend is pregnant. She emailed me and said she knew that I'd been having a rough time but she wanted me to hear it from her, which I really appreciate. She also said that she told me by email so that I could have time to process it and so that she could avoid getting her feelings hurt because she knew I wouldn't be as happy as she wanted. I can only imagine how hard it was for her to tell me and I hate that for her. Just because I can't have that, doesn't make me any less happy for her, but it definitely wasn't easy to hear. I love her and just pray that I can be strong and happy for her. I don't want to hurt her or make her feel that she can't be joyful over being pregnant.

I fell asleep crying last night. Praying that God would protect my heart, telling Him that I'm angry and hurt, and that I was sorry - but that was really all I had for Him. I feel like I'm being slowly chipped away. It's getting harder and harder to put on a happy face and go about my life like nothing is wrong. I am sick of watching everyone else experience this when it is something I want with every ounce of myself. Every time I saw a pregnant woman today, a dad holding his baby boy or mom walking through the mall with her little girl - it was like taking a bullet.

I feel so alone. Luckily I have amazing friends, a wonderful sister and a mom who would do anything for me. But, I know they don't know what to say when I call them crying. What is there to say? I can't even talk to Heath about it. Anytime he sees me upset about it he shuts me out -- he can't help but feel that it's his fault I'm in so much pain. No matter how many times I tell him that HE is the man I'm going to be with forever, and HE is the man that God wanted me to experience this with, he worries that I'll decide it isn't worth it to stick around. I never, never think about why we can't get pregnant - just that we can't.

I just don't know how much more of this I can take. I feel like something has to give soon. Just last week I was saying that I was finally at peace with all of this. That this must be where God wanted me to be. I just felt okay with everything. I knew that we'd have a baby and I was okay with not knowing how or when. And then, this weekend happened. Now I just want to give up. I want to not want it.

This is a random, whiny post. It's okay if you don't even comment, really. I appreciate all of your comments, but sometimes saying nothing is okay too. I know that God has a plan, I know that it will all happen in time. But, I just need a place to vent and be angry for awhile.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

playing catch up.

I've been a bad blogger lately. sorry. Not much to blog about really. So, here is about a month's worth of pictures.

And, happy birthday to me today!

We went out to eat with all the interns for the Sept. birthdays. Cheesecake Factory, yum!

Shots for the girls. Christa, Sarah, me.

Pre-Birthday Dinner shot of me and the husband.

These pics are out of order. But this is Meredith and I after we polished off our pitchers.

Graham Colton/Jewel concert.

Some med school friends were in town so we had a girl's night. When we got to the bar, the bartender informed us that we had 15 minutes of happy hour left. So, we were each going to order two beers. He then told us that pitchers were cheaper and I said "Ok, we'll take 4!". So, we each had our own!

First OU game with Tim and Sarah.

Boomer Sooner!

It started POURING at half time and we ran back to the truck in the monsoon.

Me and the wonderful Mr. Graham Colton.

That's all for now. Hope everyone had as good of a weekend as I did!

black is the new black?

So, I asked for chocolate brown. and got this. but it's growing on me.

Me and my fabulous sister at my birthday dinner.

Whadya think?

Major picture post coming atcha.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

the sun'll come out

I am still in shock that this happened to me...

I felt like I had done a really good job at playing it cool today. I joked, I laughed, I only thought about A and the baby a few dozen times throughout the morning. But as I was leaving noon conference today, I was approached by a fellow resident with a furrowed brow.

"I have to talk to you about something very serious", he said. We're not friends, I mean, not really. We chat, we have spent a few hours in clinic together, but I had no idea why he would want to talk to me about something serious.

So, he goes on to tell me that "we weren't expecting this at all....we weren't planning it" .....
"but, my wife just found out she's pregnant". Suck. That was my first reaction. But, of course I congratulated him. Then... I can't even believe it as I type it...he proceeds to tell me that after hours of discussing it, they don't want it. AND, he wants me to help him find a place to have an abortion. SERIOUSLY? Why me? Of all people? On this day?

I calmly told him that I was the very last person he should ask about this as my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for ALMOST TWO YEARS and have had TWO failed adoptions. I told him that he had to stop talking or I would get very emotional on him. He kept talking. Guys just don't get it sometimes.

Thankfully I had to stop off along the way to get something and told him I'd see him later. Then, Like, bawled my eyes out, couldn't talk, mascara running down my face. Lost it. I called my chief resident and told her I had to talk to her. I didn't think I could make it to clinic. How was I supposed to work? I mean, not only do I not agree with the decision he's was just awful timing for me (because you know how it always comes back to me..I'm selfish like that).

Eventually, I calmed myself down enough to go to clinic. But, honestly, my breakdown probably didn't have that much do to with him. I just felt really hopeless today. I feel bad even typing that. I mean, I obviously still have hope. I know God will bring us a baby. But, I feel like our only avenue of getting a baby soon was this adoption. And now that door is closing. I know IVF is in our future. But, I feel like it's in our distant future.

This blog has become such a downer. I thought to myself yesterday that I was going to post pictures and something fun, and now you get this. So, to my 100 subscribers...stick around. I'll put my big girl panties on soon and entertain you a bit. But today is an angry day. Right after my encounter today, I asked "Why me? Why did you let him ask me? Protect me from these things, You know I'm fragile".

So, I'm now on my 3rd Corona. I know that's not a good way to deal with it. And, I promise I'm not an alcoholic, but a beer or eight just sounded good. So, Heath is on his way home with Bar-B-Que and beer and we plan on having a little fiesta tonight.

Tomorrow I'll be better. I always am.

not looking good.

I've been doing a decent job of just waiting from a phone call from Sarah or A to give us an idea of where things were headed. But, Sarah called yesterday about something completely unrelated and I had to ask if she'd heard from A's sister lately. She hadn't, but said she'd give her a call.

She just called me back to say that she had spoken to A's sister, who said she hadn't talked to A much. As far as she knows, she hasnt made a decision yet, but A asked her if she could borrow her Pack 'n Play. So, it sounds like she's planning to keep the baby. Unless she is getting a puppy and wants to use the pack 'n play as a dog crate. But, that's doubtful. Apparently there's more to the story and A's sister didn't have time to elaborate. So, I should be finding out a little more later.

I'm trying to maintain my composure. On one hand, I expected this and thought I would be prepared to handle the disappointment. On the other, I was secretly planning my mad dash to the store for diapers and such.

If you know me, you know I'm already wanting to plan my next move so that I don't feel the pain from this blow. But, I'm trying to be still and wait. The thought of fostering through DHS and hopefully adopting thereafter has been on my mind a lot. It seems that the situation presents itself almost daily lately. See...there I go already...

I know it could still go either way, and I'm praying that this takes another direction than the one it appears to be going. But for now, it's not looking good.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

the name game.

For all of you pregnant mothers out there still in search of a unique, but beautiful baby name: search no more!

I came across the Holy Grail of unique baby names in the ER this weekend. Here are a few of the little gems:

Ganaria (say it out it.)

Clitoria - this is Ganaria's mother. Seriously.

Joy in the time of sorrow (yes, that is a first name, a BOY's first name)


Yourmajesty (could you imagine marrying this guy...ugh.)

Two brothers : Money & Million.

Three brothers: Mister, Sir and Duke



Elwee (the THIRD! Two other people named their children this...)


Jack Daniels

Liam (pronounced "yum" after his father William)


Desmccq (pronounced "Des", obvs)

Satin Deer

Thyme (pronounced "Timmy")



Little Angel

Unique (not as unique as the other ones I've seen, dear)

D'nasty Foley (as in foley catheter...yes, they are nasty)

Dickinya (O.M.G)

Here's a middle name in case you're stuck on those too: Tvfvhvtke. Yeah, you got me on that one.

There are pages upon pages of names of kids with crazy names that have come into the Children's ER over several years. While I couldn't help but laugh out loud at several of these creative (?) names, I felt bad for the poor children who suffered because of them. I mean, how do you think little Ganaria did in high school? And, I've got dibs on D' don't you beeches take it, ya hear?

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


I offically have 100 subscribers on Google Reader as of today. I am quite suprised. When I started this blog I didn't think anyone but my momma would read it. I find it hard to believe that so many are reading since that my last few posts have had less than 5 comments. Where are all of you people? Say something, de-lurk, introduce yourselves!

Monday, September 1, 2008


Another little obsession...

Gossip Girl. O.M.G. The season premier is tonight and 7:00 cannot get here soon enough!

If you haven't watched it, I suggest you clear your schedule for an hour tonight and hop on the GG (no, not Gilmore Girls. That is so 2004) train with me.

It's a little naughty, but I am a little hooked.

my own 'savior'.

It's been a busy weekend. I'll post a weekend update later.

But, first, I wanted to talk about the sermon at church on Sunday. We read Romans 8: 1-13. Each of us has a spot deep in the center of our hearts that we choose to fill with whatever we desire. The preacher asked what was in our hearts. The answer was easy: what do you obsess about the most? I think anyone who knows me knows my obsession. A baby. I am overwhelmed by thoughts of a baby. I don't think I go more than 30 minutes (and that's pushing it) a day without wondering how, when and where I'll get a baby.

So, instead of spending my energy focusing on Him, I'm consumed with being a mother. I have allowed this to be my "savior" instead of God. Instead of seeking Him, I am spending hours daily seeking my own desires.

Throughout this journey thus far, I have seen my desire for Him and my walk with Him grow exponentially, but I also notice that my first and last thought each day is of a baby. He has continued to bless us and I know that He will always do so. But, my purpose is to please Him. Not the other way around.

In my last post, I talked about having faith that God would bring us a baby in His perfect timing. And, I still believe that's true. But, in order to have faith that He will do that, I need to seek him first. If I would devote the time and energy I spend thinking about a baby on my walk with Christ, everything else would fall into place.

My eyes were really opened on Sunday. I know the change won't happen overnight, but I want to make a conscious effort to seek Him throughout the day and let Him take care of the rest.

Thursday, August 28, 2008


Here are some fabulous items in my wish list on Someone has a birthday coming up ::wink, wink::
Love this whole outfit. It's crooked, that bothers me. But deal with it.

Shoes from the outfit above. Aren't they delish?

I must have this dress. It would be nice for work with a little cami or sexxxy without.

I'll take this too, please. thankyouverymuch.

Cute and cozy. Two things that I luuurve.

I will have this purse. Thank goodness for sister's discount :)

Not really my style, but too adorable to pass up.

There, that made me feel better. How about you?