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Thursday, July 10, 2008

i know my role.

Thanks for all of your prayers and sweet comments. I woke up this morning....wait, actually it was this evening since I'm on nights, and the answer suddenly seemed blatantly obvious.

I can't adopt M.

I also found out yesterday....or in the middle of the night, whatever, that DHS is looking for an adoptive family that can take M and her older sister. So, rushing little M to the safety of my home didn't seem quite so easy once I found out that news.

I actually feel kind of silly for even posting that yesterday now that the idea of adopting her seems so far away, but that's how I was feeling at the time, so I said it.

So, I'll just continue playing with her, loving on her and praying for her. And I'm okay with that.

8 comments:

Megan Griffith said...

Hey Erin - I just wanted you to know that David and I think about you guys every day! I am so excited to see the perfect plan that makes you guys parents.

Lisa said...

Don't apologize for what you posted. It was honest, and there's nothing wrong with that.

mrs.leah.maria said...

I absolutely agree with Lisa, this is your forum to bare your thoughts. No judgement. You presented yourself well, and with a caring heart. No shame in that.

So long as you are okay with knowing and fulfilling this role, that is great.

I'm still praying for you.

This Is Me said...

I think it is great that you posted that. You have a gigantic heart. It's scary to be that vulnerable, but it's real.

Just because you can't adopt her doesn't mean you still can be a great center of influence on M's life. I'm sure she will never forget the sweet Dr. that helped her during one of the most terrifying times in her life. :)

{{Hugs}} to you! Still thinking and prayer for you!

Elaine said...

Hi Erin, I think I found your blog through Angie Smith's blog (audreycaroline.blogspot.com). Anyway, I have enjoyed reading your posts as you move further into your medical career. Anywho...I am an occupational therapist of 31 years and my area of expertise is infants and young children. Over the course of my career I have met children that I wanted to take home and adopt. I had the urge to take them away to my home and keep them safe from their harsh realities. When you love children, you want to protect them. It's a primal instinct and it's good. In the area of pediatrics, you will, unfortunately, have to be the voice a child may not have and your instincts will help you sort out when a child is in danger. Please don't be embarressed...it shows your heart...and your soul. You went to God in prayer with your instincts and you came away knowing your role. Take care.

kari said...

Don't apologize, as Lisa and Leah said, this is YOUR place to write your thoughts. I am still praying for you and M.

G&D said...

Erin--I'm so happy you've found some clarity and the answers you were searching for. I can completly understand where you are coming from and have been fighting back tears reading this. I've been a social worker for 6 years and I've seen more horror stories of mistreated and unloved children that I care to admit. I've also struggled with my role in their lives and all-out wanting to take them home with me. I wish I could tell you that you won't go through this again, but you will. And it doesn't get any easier, but that's because you're human. Your compassion makes you an amazing woman and caretaker. M and the children you will meet in the future are blessed to know you.

coco le'shea said...

thanks friend :) you probably know better than anyone my recent struggle with writing as you are my subject!

also, i think you should know how special you are to so many lives and so many more to come. God is absolutely going to be able to use you to bless the lives of so many children...including someday, your own.

we can all say, of course we would want to take M home with us and protect her forever...but if it were to actually come down to it, you really would and that makes you so wonderful with the biggest heart in the world!