Tuesday, March 11, 2008

a big bite.

It's been awhile since I've posted. Life has been hectic lately. We went to the Rum Runner ball with some good friends, went on a vacation to Vegas with a couple friend of ours, Dallas for a wedding, I started a new rotation, threw a baby shower for my bestest friend, started a kickball team, planned Match Day (which is March 20th, by the way!!!)....and that's only half of it. I've obviously bitten off more than I can chew. I haven't posted since we submitted our match list. We decided to stay in OKC. I finally decided that since I couldn't really make up my mind on either place, it made sense to stay where I knew we were happy. That place just happens to be Oklahoma :) and I'm okay with that.

We haven't had much breakthrough on the fertility front. Heath had a repeat SA done last week which showed no change. He missed his original appointment with the urologist (which was supposed to be the day we returned from Vegas). He was able to reschedule for today. Hopefully waiting until today for his appointment allowed the little spermies some time to sober up! I had been hoping that after today's appointment we would at least have some direction in all of this. I thought that after today, I would call my OB/GYN and say "Ok, tell me which RE (reproductive endocrinologist) to see and let's get this show on the road". But that wasn't the case. They did an ultrasound and found no abnormalities...and a few other exams that he'd probably rather me not talk about :). Heath is scheduled to have blood work tomorrow to check his hormones. So, hopefully we're getting closer to a reason and a plan. I can't help but think that every day without seeing a specialist is a day wasted. I think I've come to terms with the fact that we will get pregnant through is our pregnancy destiny. Heath feels differently. He is positive that this MIF (male infertility) is temporary and we will soon be back on our way to baby makin'. For his sake, and the sake of future pregnancies, I hope it is temporary. But for right now, I'm ready to move on. I don't want to go back to trying the 'ol fashioned way if his sperm return to normal. He doesn't understand, but I just can't go back to living my life in two week increments. Counting down the days until I ovulate...praying that it worked this month...and then the disappointment when I start my period.

I'm still just praying for patience. Patience that allows me to sit back and let God's plan slowly, but surely unravel. I'm trying to take it a day at a time. But each day my desire to be a mom just grows. When we first started trying to get pregnant, I was just excited about decorating a nursery and just being pregnant. Now, I just want to hold a baby of my own. It's hard finding out that friend after friend has gotten pregnant. It's bitter sweet. I am so happy for them, but it makes my pain seem so much deeper. I know this post is all over the place, but that's how I feel right now. I've got a lot on my plate...and I'm just trying to digest it all.


marital.bless said...


marital.bless said...

Love the changed look! Once you start going, it's too much fun to stop!