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Monday, June 16, 2008

Dad's Day (Part 2)

It occurred to me last night that, had things gone as we planned (that almost makes me laugh-- as if our plan really matters) yesterday would have been Heath's first Father's Day. I almost made it through the day yesterday without even thinking about the fact that one more Father's Day has come and gone without Heath getting to celebrate being a father. In case you don't know my husband, he would make will make an amazing father. He's loving, funny, forgiving, easy-going, understanding, a great uncle, not to mention extremely handsome. Our kids will be lucky to have such a wonderful father.

It's easy for me to only focus on the pain and loss I have suffered by not being able to get pregnant, and not think about the loss that Heath must feel as well. His desire to be a parent is just as great, if not greater, than my own. On our anniversary, his card to me said "You will be a wonderful mother, and I wish I could give that to you". When we first found out we had male infertility, Heath said it was "his fault" we couldn't get pregnant. It broke my heart that he thought he could possibly be to blame. Someone asked me if I was angry at Heath or if our infertility caused a lot of fights between us. My answer was that I know that Heath is the person that I am meant to be with and that infertility is a hurdle that God has put before BOTH of us. It is an obstacle that we will overcome TOGETHER.

There are certainly no guarantees, and I'm learning to sit back and let God take the wheel for awhile, but I hope that Heath and I get to celebrate a Father's Day soon.

8 comments:

etxwife said...

Wow. I am so sorry you guys have to go through this. I will be praying that next year will bring a wonderful mother's and father's day for both of you!
-shihtzumomma

coco le'shea said...

you both will make wonderful parents and i know God has the most wonderful child in store for you in His time. love!

mrs.leah.maria said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mrs.leah.maria said...

Oh my Erin, I just busted out bawling at Heath's perception. This honestly will make you stronger, although at some point I'm sure you'll think or already do think you're strong enough.

He does have a plan.

Moni said...

I am so sorry you are going thru this, you and your husband seem like such a strong couple. I pray you get your blessing really soon!
moni
moniluvsmatt

kari said...

Erin-

Your post brought tears to my eyes. You and Heath are in my prayers. God does have a plan.

Kari

The Bullard's said...

I read a quote about Trust that made me think of you that made me think of you. I even wrote it down so I could tell it to you.

"Trusting in God when the miracle does not come, when the urgent prayer gets no anwser, when there is only darknes--this is the kind of faith that God values, perhaps, most of all."

You are so wise. I am so proud of your strength. You are an inspiration to others in your faith and I know God sees that and is so proud of you too. Heath is a great man and you both will be blessed.

The Bullard's said...

sorry to repeat myself up there. so tired!