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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

strike one.

We got our first call today. We said no. It's hard to even type that. I can't believe we said no to taking a baby. I feel a little guilty.

2 1/2 weeks old Native American boy with some minor health issues.

My knee jerk reaction was to say yes, leave work right away and bring the little guy home with me. There were reasons to hesitate, but I figured we could work all that out later. I instantly imagined waking up in the middle of the night for feedings, rushing to get the right size of diapers on the way home, snuggling with a little one on my chest while I watch 90210 tonight ;) But, this is a child! Not a top from Target that I can return tomorrow if it doesn't fit quite right. Unfortunately we had to think quick. We knew that every minute it took us to make a decision, another family could have been found for him.

Heath and I tried to weigh the pros and cons through G chat while I left intermittently to see patients and he got phone calls from the case worker. In the end, we decided that this wasn't a good fit for us. For a few reasons. We were told in our parenting classes to avoid Native American babies if our intent was to adopt. Often times, families will foster a child for years just to have the tribe take the baby from them when parental rights are terminated. Also, while we have a day care set up, we don't have a plan on what to do with a baby that is under 6 weeks and can't go to day care. While I would love to take some "maternity leave" , I a) can't give them 12 hours notice that I'll be off for 4 weeks and b) can't take off for a month each time we get a placement.

I can't help but feel a little selfish. I mean, if we're going to be so choosy about which baby we take, who are we trying to benefit here? And, I know that becoming foster parents is mostly selfish on our part. We're doing it because we want a baby. Being a loving family to a baby who needs one is just a perk to the job. But, I also know that we have to be patient and wait for the baby that is right for us. We could be picking up our forever baby next time we get a phone call. And, while fostering is a "trial period", I don't want to be so nonchalant about it that picking up and dropping off babies becomes as common as the laundry.

So, while we had some excitement today, and we feel like we're getting closer and closer every day - today, we wait.

15 comments:

Julia said...

I think your decision is more than commendable and extremely level-headed. I'm sure it was very difficult to make this choice but I'm proud of you guys. The time will come! Hang in there.

Kristal said...

You did what was best for your family, and that's good.

And I'm sorry, but i had to laugh at the term "forever baby". I always hear people referring to their forever homes, but I've never heard it in that context. It made me LOL. :)

Meredith said...

You are absolutely right- the Indian Child Welfare Act essentially mandates that native babies must be adopted by a tribal member, if the tribe even agrees to allow the child to be adopted (which I have never seen happen). Additionally, most caseworkers I know have no problem with foster parents declining to take a child when they have made it known that their intent is to adopt! I know its hard to decline a placement, but its even harder for a child to be moved after being placed, so its GOOD that you're doing some initial screening!

Rachel said...

I'm sorry you had to say no. It's hard but you did what's best for you and another family has him right now loving him and you will get another chance.

I applaud you for taking time to think it through!

Candice said...

I am happy that is happened so fast, that could be good news for the future, maybe you will get called quickly for the next baby. Good luck, and I applaud you for making such a difficult dicision.

ezza said...

How exciting that you got a call so soon after all the official mumbo jumbo! That is awesome! You guys are doing a great thing, hang in there!

Melodie said...

oh those decisions. you'll know when it's right.

Sean and Lendy said...

I found your blog through "Kelly's Korner" and I've been praying for you and your husband. My husband and I "tried" for more than 8 years before getting licensed as foster parents with the intent to adopt the child/children placed in our home. We received 2 little boys age 18 months and 2 1/2 years old almost 2 years ago. We were able to adopt them a year later. Stay strong to what your heart is telling you and where God is leading you. Fostering to adopt is a wonderful and long journey that only a few are blessed to participate in. Know that you are being prayed for...your forever family is in His hands.

The Browns said...

Hi! I saw you on the prayer list (from Kellys Korner) & just wanted to stop by & say I'm praying for you :) We are struggling also & are seeing a fertility specialist now. I have been off BC for two & half years & have been diagnosed with PCOS. I take 1000 mg of Metformin daily & the doctor said I can't take the Clomid anymore b/c I've taken it to many times. I'm hoping this new doctor will do wonders for us. I have faith that maybe this will be our year & hopefully yours too! God Bless!

Bonnie

Jeremy and Mindy said...

Wow erin, I'm sure that was very difficult, but I applaud your decision to think it through and do what is best for your family and situation. Praying for you. {{{hugs}}}

Mrs.Dimple said...

You guys are being very wise to make a decision with your heart *and* brain. What if you had fostered this child and then a week later got a call for a child in more need of help and was a potential for permanent adoption? I truly believe you'll "just know" when it's right. I'm praying for you, I can't imagine how emotional this process is...

Mrs. Dirnberger said...

You did the right thing! Most people wouldn't even take time to think about it but YOU did and I give your props! You know your bounderies and what you can handle and soon the right baby will come along

kari said...

I'm praying for you Erin. God will bring you your forever baby soon.

Lisa said...

Erin it sounds like you guys are making smart decisions and thinking of what is best for you AND the baby. Hang in there :).

Mrs. Newlywed said...

These decisions are so complicated and hard.

I had an aunt and uncle who took foster children for a very long time. They once a baby who was Native American. They raised him for 10 years as their own. As soon as he hit 10, the tribe took him back. They were heartbroken.

Your baby is out there. You have to remember God will put it in your heart when it is your "yes" moment.