strike one.

We got our first call today. We said no. It's hard to even type that. I can't believe we said no to taking a baby. I feel a little guilty.

2 1/2 weeks old Native American boy with some minor health issues.

My knee jerk reaction was to say yes, leave work right away and bring the little guy home with me. There were reasons to hesitate, but I figured we could work all that out later. I instantly imagined waking up in the middle of the night for feedings, rushing to get the right size of diapers on the way home, snuggling with a little one on my chest while I watch 90210 tonight ;) But, this is a child! Not a top from Target that I can return tomorrow if it doesn't fit quite right. Unfortunately we had to think quick. We knew that every minute it took us to make a decision, another family could have been found for him.

Heath and I tried to weigh the pros and cons through G chat while I left intermittently to see patients and he got phone calls from the case worker. In the end, we decided that this wasn't a good fit for us. For a few reasons. We were told in our parenting classes to avoid Native American babies if our intent was to adopt. Often times, families will foster a child for years just to have the tribe take the baby from them when parental rights are terminated. Also, while we have a day care set up, we don't have a plan on what to do with a baby that is under 6 weeks and can't go to day care. While I would love to take some "maternity leave" , I a) can't give them 12 hours notice that I'll be off for 4 weeks and b) can't take off for a month each time we get a placement.

I can't help but feel a little selfish. I mean, if we're going to be so choosy about which baby we take, who are we trying to benefit here? And, I know that becoming foster parents is mostly selfish on our part. We're doing it because we want a baby. Being a loving family to a baby who needs one is just a perk to the job. But, I also know that we have to be patient and wait for the baby that is right for us. We could be picking up our forever baby next time we get a phone call. And, while fostering is a "trial period", I don't want to be so nonchalant about it that picking up and dropping off babies becomes as common as the laundry.

So, while we had some excitement today, and we feel like we're getting closer and closer every day - today, we wait.