Thursday, January 31, 2008

Decisions, decisions.

I'm really writing this one for myself (not that anyone but me even reads this thing). So, that when I'm torn between OU and UW, I can re-read this. I think I'm having a moment of clarity right now, so I'd better write it down.
I was talking to my sister yesterday and was feeling really frustrated with the fact that I can't make a decision. I literally change my mind daily. I just can't do it anymore.
But today, I've decided on Madison. Usually when I make a decision, if it's the right choice, I feel at ease with my decision. But no matter which one I choose, I still feel like it's the wrong decision. But, when I compare the reasons I'm sad about not staying at OU/Madison, they're completely different. My reasons for not wanting to leave OKC are all emotional: I'll miss out on OU football games, I won't be able to stay on the admissions board, I'll miss our cute house...etc. But, with Madison, it's different. I'll miss out on an amazing opportunity, a wonderful children's hospital, the chance to live in a really cool city, meet new people, do new things... I think the reason I don't feel at ease when I decide to put Madison as #1 is because I'm scared. It's not an emotion that I'm very familiar with. But, being scared isn't a bad thing. I owe it to myself to try it out.
So, today, I choose Madison. And, I finally feel like this is the right choice. If, I stay in OK, or don't at least try to go to UW, I think I'll always wonder "what if?". I don't like to have regrets, but I think in that case I might have a few. If I go to Madison, even if I hate it, there is nothing to regret. I've given it a try, it's only three years, and I'll high tail it back to good 'ol Oklahoma when it's all said and done.
So, there you have. I've made a decision. And unlike the last few months...I think this one is for good.
I hope.